I CANNOT REMEMBER the last time I actually sat down with pen and paper to physically write someone a letter. These days, I might at best scrawl a few lines of either congratulations or condolences on a store-bought greeting card. I do everything else electronically, by email or text. And I suspect most of you reading this would say the same. Electronic communication is easier, more efficient, and by now is our default setting whenever we want to tell somebody something.

But that doesn’t necessarily make it better in terms of getting our message across. The slower and more methodical act of penning a letter lends itself to a more thoughtful kind of writing in which we choose our words more carefully. By contrast, the speed and supposed efficiency of electronic communication means more messages to more people, all of whom expect a reasonably quick response. All too often, this means we take less time thinking about how to say things, leading to misunderstandings that — ironically! — may take many more messages to untangle.

Text messaging is notorious for this. Erica Dhawan, for example, who writes about what she calls “digital body language,” tells a story about a couple who were dating and trying to have a disagreement by text message. At the end of the exchange, feeling unsettled by the lack of resolution, the woman texted anxiously, “r we done?” He replied, “I guess so,” and went on with his day.

She, however, was devastated. What she had meant by asking “Are we done?” was “Since we can’t agree, does that mean we’re finished as a couple?” But he thought she meant, “Are we finished arguing?” Imagine her surprise and confusion when he showed up at her door a couple of days later to take her out to dinner, as they planned before the argument.

Not even an emoji would have rescued that misunderstanding.

Granted, electronic communication is convenient. But some conversations need to happen face to face, especially when something potentially unpleasant has to be discussed. We know this. But if the truth be told, we sometimes use emails and text messages to avoid the in-person conversation we need to have.

That, of course, is not what the apostle John is doing in writing a letter to Gaius. He’s sending Demetrius out with the gospel, and the man will need the hospitality of Gaius or someone else in the community. By writing a brief letter of introduction for Demetrius to hand to Gaius, John is following social convention, even as he goes beyond that convention in gospel-centered ways.

But John knows that there’s much more to be said. The letter serves the immediate practical purpose of eliciting Gaius’ help and hospitality, but a longer conversation is needed. Here’s how the letter ends:

I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name. (3 John 13-15, NIV)

If those words sound familiar, it’s because John writes something very similar near the end of 2 John:

I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete. (2 John 12)

(Note that the idiom translated as “face to face” in both letters is literally “mouth to mouth” — but we’re not going to go there.)

As I suggested before, it’s possible that 2 John was written to Diotrephes or someone in his church. If so, it’s easy to imagine how much more there would have been to discuss! If Diotrephes had responded positively to the letter, then he probably would have been the one John would have asked to host Demetrius. But his negative reaction required John to pivot and reach out to Gaius instead.

Moreover, though John still intended to visit, the conversation would now be different. As he said earlier in verse 10 of 3 John, he intends to confront Diotrephes personally, knowing that a mere letter would do no good. And now, he also intends to have a longer conversation with Gaius, who no doubt has his own questions to ask. But those plans depend on how Gaius reacts to 3 John. If Gaius sides with Diotrephes, John will have to pivot again.

In some ways, the final words of the letter are unsurprising, if we’re used to the letters of Paul. “Peace to you,” John writes, a blessing which evokes the biblical notion of God’s shalom and is found frequently in Paul’s letters. Paul also customarily ends his letters with greetings from the people around him to those around the recipient. At the end of his letter to the church in Philippi, for example, Paul writes, “Greet all God’s people in Christ Jesus. The brothers and sisters who are with me send greetings. All God’s people here send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar’s household” (Phil 4:21-22). It’s a way of saying, “All the believers here say ‘Hi’; please say ‘Hi’ to all the believers there.”

But note that John’s wording is a little different. He doesn’t send greetings from or to the “brothers and sisters” as Paul does. Rather, he says, “The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.” This is the only place in the New Testament where the word “friends” appears in the closing greetings of a letter.

I doubt that this is just a random choice of words on John’s part. Most likely, it’s meant as additional motivation for Gaius. John isn’t merely passing on generic greetings from one church to another; he’s reminding Gaius that they have friends in common. After all, it’s one thing to have a general sense of unity, in principle, with another Christian community. But it’s another to know people there personally, to know them by name.

Gaius may be feeling pressure from everything that Diotrephes has been doing to undermine John. Welcoming Demetrius could get him in trouble. If he’s going to stand up for what he knows is the right and godly thing to do, then it might help for him to know that he’s not alone. He and John are friends, and together, they are part of a network of friends that spans the miles between the two communities. Just that simple reminder may be the encouragement Gaius needs.

And if Gaius responds rightly to John’s letter, then when the apostle arrives to speak with him face to face, it should be a friendly conversation indeed.