PREVIOUSLY, I ASKED you to think about the bosses and supervisors you’ve had and how they used power to lead. Let me ask the question again, a little differently this time. Whose leadership have you admired? The best leaders set a positive example for those under their leadership. Who has been that kind of example to you, and what did you learn from them? Conversely, who has been a negative example to you? What did you learn from them about how not to lead?

Even from childhood, we are drawn to imitate the people around us; it’s part of how we learn about the world and relationships. Wise parents know this. They know that if they want their children to grow up to be people of good character, they have to practice what they preach. It doesn’t work to merely insist on rules and back them up with threats of punishment. If they really want their children to share their values, they have to model those values by the way they live.

Don’t forget: the word “discipline” comes from the same root as the word “disciple.” For better or worse, children are the disciples of their parents.

This is why Paul can say in 1 Corinthians 4:16 that his readers should “imitate” him. This isn’t egotism on his part; in fact, he says this against the background of the spiritual pride that’s infected the Corinthian church. He and Apollos have both modeled servant leadership among them. When he tells them to imitate him, it’s because he sees them as his children through the preaching of the gospel; they should follow his example as their spiritual father (vss. 14-15). And he can say this without apology because he knows that he in turn has given his life to imitating Christ (1 Cor 11:1).

We see something similar in 3 John, as John issues the only command in the letter:

Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. (3 John 11, NIV)

For the fourth and final time in the letter, John refers to Gaius as his “dear friend” — literally, his “beloved.” And it’s on that note of tenderness that he urges Gaius to imitate what is good instead of following any negative examples around him — presumably an indirect reference to the vengeful, dictatorial, and inhospitable leadership of Diotrephes.

Once again, John deals in stark contrasts: there is good and there is evil; people can be from God or show that they have never truly seen God. This is surely an indictment of Diotrephes, even if John doesn’t say it directly. Diotrephes may be a person of means and social influence in the community. He’s probably even the leader of a house church. But his attitude and behavior suggest that he is a Christian in name only.

Don’t follow his example, John warns. And as we’ll see shortly, the implication is that Gaius should therefore do the opposite of what Diotrephes would do: Gaius should welcome Demetrius with open arms.

THIS VERSE SHOULD be a sobering reminder for all Christians in positions of leadership, in two ways. First, as leaders, we should be looking for examples that are worthy of imitation. It’s fine to learn new and useful insights from the burgeoning literature on leadership. But that’s not the same, say, as having a wise mentor whose counsel we can trust.

Moreover, leadership principles must be applied in complex real-world situations. It’s helpful to have living examples of others who have dealt wisely with similar situations: how they handled the pressure, made good decisions, did right by others, and embodied the values they espoused. Who has been the kind of leader that, at least in our calmer, saner moments, we aspire to be? Who has demonstrated, as the apostle Paul did, what it means to lead in an undeniably Christlike manner? These are the examples we should emulate.

Second, it’s crucial to remember that leadership isn’t just about getting the job done whatever it takes. It’s not just about the end but the means, not just the goal but the process, not just short-term gains but long-term consequences. An executive, for example, can succeed at maximizing a company’s quarterly earnings but alienate countless people along the way. In the long term, undermining teamwork in this way will affect not only the work environment but the company’s bottom line.

Similarly, parents can force their children to comply with their rules today. Tomorrow, however, instead of internalizing those rules, their kids may rebel against them every chance they get, itching to get out from under their parents’ thumb. And pastors and ministry leaders can grow a congregation and even expand outreach by imposing their vision from the top down. But in so doing, they may create and reinforce a toxic and inhospitable congregational culture that will eventually implode.

Whether we like it or not, if we are in any position of leadership, we are not just managers but models. What we do in the sight of others matters: it matters to the development of our own character and to the character of others. So instead of thinking merely in terms of pragmatic goals, in terms of what tasks need to be accomplished, let’s ask ourselves, What kind of a leader do I want to be? Instead of merely wondering how we get from point A to point B, let’s ask ourselves, How can I embody the character of Christ along the way?

If we can do that, we just might give others a model that they can follow too.