MOST PEOPLE WHO know me, I think, would probably tell you that I’m a pretty placid guy, not given to anything close to an emotional outburst. Indeed, when I was younger, I had a friend who wondered how I could be so even-tempered. He kept making up scenarios and asking, “If I did that to you, would you get mad?” To which I would reply, “Yeah, I guess so. Maybe.” If he was trying to get a rise out of me, it didn’t work.

But there is one place where I am more likely than anywhere else to get irritated, more likely to think angry thoughts and say unkind words. Can you guess where that is?

Yep. It’s behind the wheel of my car.

Southern California freeways have more than their share of rude drivers. People dart in and out of traffic at high speed, cutting off other drivers and roaring away. Even if you’re in the slow lane, if the traffic is heavy, someone might drive on the shoulder to get in front of you and triumphantly gain one more car length. You’d think it was a video game and someone was keeping score.

I have a whole moralistic sermon in my head for such drivers, should the occasion ever arise to preach to them and help them see the light: So with all that zipping around, how much time did you really shave off your drive? Five minutes? Less? You waste way more time than that on any given day. And what makes your five minutes more important than someone else’s? Who are you that you get to annoy other people or even put them in danger for your five minutes?

On a long and tedious commute, that self-righteous screed can play itself out in my head on repeat. But it can suddenly be interrupted when a space opens up for me to zip into and get another car length ahead.

WE’VE SEEN HOW Paul teaches that love is patient and kind; that’s how God treats us, and therefore that’s how we should treat others. Then Paul begins describing some of the things that love doesn’t do, implicitly chiding the Corinthians for their envy, boastfulness, and pride toward one another. Paul then continues with two more negative behaviors that are antithetical to love:

[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking… (1 Cor 13:5)

We’ll explore the first behavior in this post and the second in the next. Again, translations differ. Where the New International Version has that love “does not dishonor others,” both the Common English Bible and the New Revised Standard have that love isn’t “rude,” while the New American Standard says that love “does not act unbecomingly.” The English of that last translation is a bit outdated; who says “unbecomingly” anymore?

Yet that word, I think, may be the closest to Paul’s intent. When we call some behavior “rude,” we usually mean two things at once: one, that it’s personally offensive; and two, that it’s a breach of etiquette. The word Paul uses is more about the second than the first. If the word were translated literally, it would be something like “bad form,” a violation of social norms of decency. Thus, we could say that love “doesn’t behave indecently.”

But what might Paul have in mind with this?

IN PAUL’S MIND, I propose, love isn’t just about how the Corinthians feel about each other; it’s about how others outside the church feel about the Corinthians. Think back, for example, to what Jesus told his disciples after he had washed their feet in the Upper Room:

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34-35)

He calls them to be his witnesses in a world that will not understand them and will probably hate them. What will be the sign to a watching world that these men have been with Jesus? He says it three times: they must love one another. The mutual love between believers is a sign that God is doing something new in the world, a sign that the gospel is true.

How were the Corinthians doing on that score?

Earlier, I mentioned how a man in the congregation was having an incestuous affair with his stepmother. Listen to how a horrified Paul describes the situation:

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? (1 Cor 5:1-2)

Not even the pagans would put up with this! he insists. The Corinthians may have their own theologically twisted rationale for being proud, but the man’s behavior is in clear violation of larger social norms and hurting the church’s witness.

Perhaps even more relevant is the situation Paul describes in the very next chapter. Whatever the reason, the believers in Corinth were suing each other in public court. “Is it possible,” Paul asks incredulously, “that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? But instead, one brother takes another to court—and this in front of unbelievers!” (1 Cor 6:5-6).

Notice how he says it. It’s bad enough that they’re suing each other, as he says next: “The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means that you have been completely defeated already” (1 Cor 6:7). But he is also concerned about the church’s witness and what others will see in the conduct of those who have supposedly sworn allegiance to Jesus.

In both these cases, Paul seems to think that the Corinthians should be ashamed of themselves. What others think of the church matters. We are to love one another as Jesus loved us, and not behave in ways that others would consider improper.

I DON’T HAVE a fish symbol on the back of my car, partly because I don’t want someone else to grumble at me the same way I grumble at other drivers, and then conclude that Christians are all a bunch of hypocrites. But maybe that’s the point. Knowing that I have that symbol on my car might make me care more about how I drive, for the sake of the church’s witness to a world that needs Jesus.

It’s a small thing, but small things add up. And it might just be the loving thing to do.