AS I MENTIONED earlier, whenever I officiate a wedding, I always preach on First Corinthians 13. I suspect that many of the people listening, including the bride and groom, are familiar with the passage but have never really stopped to consider what it might mean for them personally. Thus, I solemnly tell the couple, “Today you will be making a promise in the sight of God — a promise to love. But before you do, I want to make sure you know what kind of promise you’re making.”

It’s one thing, after all, to be told that God is patient and kind. But it’s another to be told that this has real-life implications for how we should embody that patience and kindness in our relationships with one another as believers, and especially as married believers. How will we respond when our spouse does something to irritate us? Chances are, neither our first thoughts nor our first words will be, “Thank you, O love of my life, for giving me a much-needed opportunity to practice patience and kindness.” Rather, against the pastoral advice of the apostle James, we will probably be quick to anger and quick to speak, and the words we speak will be lacking in both patience and kindness.

Often, after the ceremony, one of the guests will approach me. They came to the wedding to honor the couple and celebrate with them. But they didn’t expect the Holy Spirit to turn the spotlight on their own marriage. As they listened to the sermon, they felt the pang of conviction. Yikes, is that what love is about? Is that what marriage is supposed to be like between Christians? Lord, have mercy, I’ve got some praying to do…

Don’t we all? I just hope that when the ceremony and the reception are over, that the couple themselves will remember what Paul said about love, and put it into practice.

SO FAR, PAUL has spoken of the primacy of love over spiritual gifts. He has reminded the Corinthians of the loving character of the God of patience and kindness. But now, as he turns from a description of what love does to what love doesn’t do, Paul implicitly turns the spotlight on the Corinthians’ behavior toward one another:

[Love] does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil… (1 Cor 13:4-6)

Let’s start with the first one. The New International Version says that love “does not envy,” and similarly, the New Revised Standard says that love “is not envious.” But both the Common English Bible and the New American Standard say that love isn’t “jealous.” The two words have slightly different meanings in English. If I want something someone else has, I envy them. But if I also think that what they have should rightly be mine, I’m jealous. Thus, I can envy you because you got a promotion at work; but I’ll be jealous if I think the promotion should have gone to me.

So, which is it? Envy or jealousy? In a sense, neither. Or both. It depends on the context.

PAUL USES THE Greek word from which we get the English word “zeal.” Some believe the sound of the word is meant to mimic that of boiling water. Today, we might call it “a burning desire.” But such desire isn’t a good or a bad thing in itself; it depends on what the object of that desire is. Some desires are covetous and sinful, as the Tenth Commandment warns. But other desires are protective of the good, as when a jealous God desires the covenant love and loyalty of his people. As God declared to Moses atop Mount Sinai: “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” (Exod 34:14).

Moreover, think back to what Paul said both at the end of First Corinthians 12 and the beginning of chapter 14: the Corinthians should eagerly “desire” spiritual gifts, particularly greater gifts like prophecy. It’s the same word that’s translated as “envy” or “jealousy” in chapter 13.

Thus, when Paul says that love doesn’t boil with desire, he isn’t criticizing the Corinthians for having zeal. The problem is that their zeal is misdirected. They either want something that doesn’t belong to them, or they want it in the wrong way or for the wrong reasons.

What might that something be? Paul doesn’t say. But we might make a reasonable guess. If we assume that Paul isn’t writing about love in the abstract, but chiding the Corinthians for their misdirected zeal, then it makes sense to take this as referring to the way they already desire spiritual gifts.

Again, read chapter 13 in light of chapters 12 and 14. Chapter 12 suggests that the Corinthians asked Paul about spiritual gifts because some folks in the congregation were putting themselves forward as spiritually superior, leaving others to feel confused and inferior. Paul tries to correct this by putting forward the image of all the believers in Corinth being part of one body in Christ; the different parts have different gifts, but all are important to the whole.

That same emphasis then pervades chapter 14. Why does Paul think prophecy is the greatest gift? Because it’s the one that best builds up the whole congregation. Verse 12 of that chapter says it all: “Since you are eager for gifts of the Spirit, try to excel in those that build up the church.” And yes, that word “eager” is our old friend “zealous.” The Corinthians already have zeal, but they need to point it in the right direction.

IT’S GOOD FOR people to be “on fire” for Jesus and the things of God. It’s good to desire gifts of the Spirit. But it’s possible to do this in a way that, knowingly or not, runs roughshod over the hearts of our brothers and sisters. Love comes first, and it is itself a spiritual pursuit.

How did the Corinthians take what Paul said? One hopes that they felt the sting enough to recognize the need to reexamine their spiritual zeal. But if not, what Paul says next will make the point even sharper.