WE CARRY THE influence of others inside of us. That influence can be positive or negative, helpful or hurtful. We may, for example, continue to hear our parents’ voices in our heads even as adults, encouraging or discouraging us, building us up or tearing us down. Our own children, in turn, may hear our voices, and so might others who have been exposed to our leadership. What will they hear?

Most of my students are training to be marriage and family therapists. Many have ministry experience, and some continue to work in a church staff position even as they take on the burden of graduate school. They are, of course, learning the concepts and skills they need to do clinical work. But many want to do more than this: they envision leading marriage or parenting workshops in their churches and communities, because they want to help people who may never darken a therapist’s door.

Toward that end, one of the courses I’ve taught for many years is a hands-on coaching experience in which they pair up to design and present fifteen minutes of a relationship workshop, using skills I’ve already demonstrated for them. As they present, they get feedback from me in real time: Good. Now try it this way instead. It can be a daunting experience for them at first. But over the course of three or four such presentations, I can see how much they’ve grown in confidence and skill.

Then they go out to lead their own workshops. Sometimes, they might feel a little lost or stuck. But when that happened, as some came back to tell me later, they would hear my voice in their head, encouraging them and telling them what to do.

It felt a little strange the first time someone told me this. But it also felt like a tremendous honor. I value the work they’re doing to help families, but I can’t be there in person. Nor should I be; they need to be able to stand on their own two feet as teachers. Still, if I can be there in spirit, I count it as a privilege.

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NOW CONSIDER THE apostle Paul. As he tells the Corinthians, he has suffered many things for the sake of the gospel, including beatings, shipwreck, and danger of every kind. But on top of that, he also carries the emotional burden of his pastoral concern for “all of the churches,” by which he probably means all the Gentile churches, even the ones he didn’t plant (2 Cor 11:23-28). That includes the churches in Colossae and Laodicea, churches that were planted through the preaching and teaching of his associate Epaphras.

The Colossians have never met Paul personally, but they know him by reputation. In his letter to them, he describes the incredible and inexhaustible riches of the gospel. And having done so, he tells them why it’s important for them to know this. Here are his words again, this time, as translated in the Common English Bible:

I’m telling you this so that no one deceives you with convincing arguments, because even though I am absent physically, I’m with you in spirit. I’m happy to see the discipline and stability of your faith in Christ. (Col 2:4-5, CEB)

Again, we don’t know for certain what “convincing arguments” Paul is referring to. Reading between the lines of the letter, many scholars have suggested some early form of Gnostic belief, perhaps blended with Jewish mysticism — the latter would probably add just enough credibility to make the teaching attractive. Paul writes to them because he doesn’t want these relatively new believers to be misled. He may not be able to encourage them in person, but he tells them that he’s with them in spirit.

Note that the spirit with which he writes is positive and encouraging. He doesn’t scold them for being distracted by false teaching. Rather, he commends them first for their “discipline,” a word that suggests a military order. And second, he praises the “stability” of their faith, a word that connotes firmness and steadfastness, possibly with a reference to military strength as well.

Paul, in other words, isn’t a finger-wagging disciplinarian, at least with the Colossians (he’s much more intense with the Galatians). He’s a loving pastor who’s concerned for their spiritual well-being. He doesn’t treat them as wishy-washy, know-nothing newbies, but as a strong and well-ordered congregation. That’s high praise coming from someone of Paul’s stature in the church, and I can easily imagine the Colossians taking that encouragement to heart in a way that made them want to grow even more.

And it may be that Paul strategically meant them to take it just that way, so he could ease them into the words of warning, correction, and command that come next.

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WHEN WE TELL someone “I’ll be with you in spirit,” we generally mean that we can’t be with them in person but will be thinking of them. When Paul tells the Colossians that he’s with them in spirit, though, he wants them to think of him, to think about what he’s taught them, and what he would say and do if he were actually there.

We can see a more extreme example of this in 1 Corinthians 5, where an incredulous Paul scolds them for tolerating and even being proud of incestuous behavior in their midst. He thunders:

Though I’m absent physically, I’m present in the spirit and I’ve already judged the man who did this as if I were present. When you meet together in the name of our Lord Jesus, I’ll be present in spirit with the power of our Lord Jesus. At that time we need to hand this man over to Satan to destroy his human weakness so that his spirit might be saved on the day of the Lord. (1 Cor 5:3-5)

It would take us too far afield to unpack everything Paul says here. Notice, though, how he says twice that he’s with them in spirit, with the rhetorical effect being that since they know what he would do, they should act as if he were there with them. Paul simply cannot visit or supervise every congregation in person. But he can be with them in spirit through his letters and their memory of his pastoral counsel.

Who’s been with you in spirit in a way that’s helped you grow as a Christian? Tell them thank you. Then ask yourself: in whose life might God be calling you to be that kind of supportive and encouraging presence, even if it has to be done long-distance?