RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE… frustrating. Can I get an “Amen” on that? Even the most stable of married couples, for example, who have been together for many years, may still squabble over the same old issues over and over like a dog worrying a bone. Not every problem gets resolved; not every argument has an ending. The spouses have their differences, and probably always will.

At the same time, hopefully, they also have a history of love and care that binds them together. Every relationship has its good side and its bad side; the question is which side dominates and defines the relationship in the minds of the people in it. We can see ourselves as being in a generally bad relationship with occasional good moments, or we can see ourselves being in a good relationship that has its bad moments.

And to some extent, the perspective we choose will not just reflect reality but create it like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If the story we tell ourselves is that the relationship is bad, we’ll pay more attention to the bad moments that confirm that story, and the good moments will be taken for granted or written off as exceptions. Conversely, if the story we tell is that the relationship is basically okay, we’ll have more grace for the missteps and be more willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We may even learn to have a sense of humor about our respective faults.

But the story that matters isn’t just the one we tell about the relationship we have with each other. It isn’t just about which one of us has succeeded or failed at love, when, and in what way. It’s about our relationship to God, a God whose love for us never fails.

PREVIOUSLY, WE SAW how Paul ended his description of what love does by saying that it “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor 13:7, NIV). I would want to translate that a little differently. Paul, I think, is teaching the Corinthians that a godly love endures all the challenges of a relationship because it lives in faith and hope; it trusts God and looks confidently toward the future fulfillment of God’s plan of salvation.

That kind of endurance means that love doesn’t resentfully and self-righteously grit its teeth while complaining about how nobody else seems to get it. To live in faith and hope means trusting that God is at work even now, even in this or that situation, building toward the future for which we hope. That kind of trust enables us to see moments of grace that we would otherwise overlook: the awkward apology, the first time we’ve felt truly heard, even our own willingness to admit some responsibility in a matter when all we would normally want to do is cast blame. Any movement toward wholeness and peace, however small, can and should be celebrated — but only if we notice it first.

We fail at love all the time, and if we’re honest with ourselves, we know it. But love itself, Paul says, “never fails” (1 Cor 13:8). What does he mean by that?

As I suggested in an earlier post, though “love never fails” is the typical translation, Paul’s verb can mean that love never “falls down.” As New Testament scholar Kenneth Bailey would have it, this is Paul’s way of creating a mental image with which the Corinthians would readily identify: falling from one of the dangerous mountain passes that led into the city.

But even if that’s not Paul’s intent, the language is a bit more picturesque than the English word “fail.” A godly love won’t fall down, Paul seems to say, whether of its own accord or because someone tries to knock it down. And if we take seriously what Jesus told his disciples in the Upper Room, we can expect that someone will try to knock down anyone who loves as Jesus loved.

WHEN PAUL SAYS that love never falls down or fails, I think of the Psalms, and their consistent witness to the unfailing love of God. Psalm 26 is a case in point, one of many. The psalmist opens with these words:

Vindicate me, LORD,
    for I have led a blameless life;
I have trusted in the Lord
    and have not faltered.
Test me, LORD, and try me,
    examine my heart and my mind;
for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love
    and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness. (Ps 26:1-3)

The word translated as “unfailing love” is the Hebrew word hesed, one of the most important words used in the Bible to describe the character of God. The word is used well over 200 times in the Old Testament, and over half of those are in the Psalms. You may be used to the translation “lovingkindness,” but depending on the context, “faithfulness,” “mercy,” and “goodness” can also be appropriate. The word conveys and celebrates the constant faithfulness of God to the covenant he swore with his people.

God even describes himself this way. In the Ten Commandments, for example, God declares that while he is a jealous God who punishes sin, he also shows his “love” — again, his hesed — “to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments” (Exod 20:6). Similarly, when God reveals his glory to Moses on Mount Sinai, he describes himself as “the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands…” (Exod 34:6-7). God abounds in hesed and maintains hesed to thousands. This is a love that never fails, that never gives up, that endures all things.

IN THE CONTEXT of First Corinthians 13, the statement that “love never fails” looks both backward and forward. Looking backward, it’s a final restatement of how a godly love endures. There’s no way to know for sure whether Paul had the concept of hesed in mind when he wrote that, but hesed was surely part of how he already understood God. And if we do read the statement that way, it circles back nicely to how he began his description of love as “patient” and “kind,” a statement that itself stands as a reminder of God’s covenant love.

Looking forward, to say that love never fails sets up the contrast with things that will fail or cease to exist, like the spiritual gifts of which the Corinthians are so fond. Again, to live in love is to live with faith and hope — but when all is said and done, when God’s plan is complete, faith and hope will no longer be needed. Only love — the unfailing love of a faithful covenant God — will remain.

That’s the story we must live if our love is to endure the frustrations. It’s the story we must live if we are to love others the way God would have us love.