WHEN OUR KIDS were small, teaching them to do chores was… well, a chore. I don’t know that we did all that well at it. If I had to do it over again, I would probably start by being more consistent about my own chores (gee, what a concept), then try to involve the kids more, even if it ended up taking five times as long. But frankly, that requires the kind of patience that I often didn’t have and had no interest in cultivating. I would default to doing things myself, just to get it done with the minimum time and hassle.

One night, I was trying to cajole my two-year-old son into putting away his toys for the night before going to bed. It wasn’t a big job, at least to me; he just had to put everything that was on the floor into the toy chest. But he was — surprise! — dilly-dallying. After all, why should he care that the toys were strewn everywhere? He was fine with them being right where they were.

It didn’t take long before I stopped trying to convince him of the aesthetic beauty of a tidy bedroom and peevishly started grabbing toys and tossing them into the chest. That got a rise out of him. Without a word, he planted himself in front of me and poked an accusatory finger at my face, as if to say, Hey, buster, don’t you know we have a rule around here about throwing things?

In short, he caught me doing something I had told him not to do. Worse, he then did something that I had no idea I did: where did he learn to scowl and stick his chubby finger in my face? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t from his mom. He was holding up a mirror to me, and I didn’t like what I saw.

Parents who try to tell their children, “Don’t do as I do, do as I say,” learn pretty quickly that the only way to make that work is with bribery, intimidation, or force. Barring that, the simple truth is that kids are likely to imitate what they see us consistently do. If we want them to do good things, we have to model good things, and do so in the context of a trustworthy and loving relationship. In the short term, we can force children to comply with our commands. But in the long run, as measured by the development of our children’s character — their desire to do the right things for the right reasons — how we live as parents matters as much if not more than what we say.

JOHN, AS WE’VE seen, has been teaching his readers that to truly know God is to have a loving relationship with God. One side of that relationship, God’s gracious love for us, is foundational to John’s gospel; it’s the truth without which there is no good news. The other side of that relationship is our love for God, a love that shows in our willing obedience. Jesus the Son obeyed the Father out of love — not compulsion, nor fear, nor an anxious need to please. And as Jesus himself taught his disciples, if we really love him, then we will do as he says.

But this is not just “do as I say.” Every day, Jesus modeled how to live for the disciples. That’s why John can say in his letter,

Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did. (1 John 2:6, NIV)

Though the New International Version uses the verb “live” here twice, John actually uses two separate words. Literally, to “live in him” is to “remain” or “abide” in him. John may again be echoing the Upper Room discourse. In John 15:1, Jesus declares himself to be the “true vine.” His disciples are to be the branches, drawing their life from Jesus, the main trunk. In just seven verses, John uses the verb “abide” ten times. The disciples are to abide in Jesus and in his love. In turn, Jesus, his love, and his words will remain or abide in them. And again, their loving obedience to Jesus is a reflection of the same obedience of Jesus to his Father:

If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. (John 15:10)

The second verb that the NIV translates as “live” literally means to “walk about.” It’s an ancient metaphor for a person’s general conduct, how they walk through life. Some people in John’s community were probably claiming to “know” Jesus and God, but were living in a way that belied that claim. To use the language of John 15, they weren’t abiding in Jesus, Jesus wasn’t abiding in them, and therefore their lives weren’t bearing any fruit for God. What John says here in his letter is, You can’t claim to be a follower of Jesus if you don’t walk the talk.

The loving fellowship that both Jesus and John describe is between the Father, the Son, and those who know and obey the Son. Jesus has already modeled loving obedience for the disciples; he has shown them how to live and commanded them to do likewise. In the context of his loving example, “Do as I say” goes hand in hand with “Do as I do.”

And as we’ll see, what Jesus does, what Jesus commands his disciples to do, is to love.