RECENTLY, I ONCE again had the privilege of officiating a memorial service, this time for a friend who had lost a brave battle with cancer. She had been an outgoing, faithful, and loving person, a light and a blessing to so many people — and they turned out in numbers to honor her memory.

So imagine that scene with me. What would you expect the emotional climate of the gathering to be? If you had to, what one word would you choose to name the emotion in the room?

Grief? Sadness? Well, yes, of course.

But how about joy?

I admit, it’s a bit of a trick question. Emotions are complicated. Each of us can experience more than one at the same time, and it’s even harder for one word to capture the emotions of a roomful of people. Still, don’t “grief” and “sadness” seem like more obvious picks than “joy”? To some people, even the mere suggestion of joy may sound rude and inappropriate, especially if they’ve heard the word used in church to shut down negativity. This can happen when people get impatient or uncomfortable with the suffering of others around them. Whether communicated explicitly through a scolding, or implicitly through disparaging facial expressions, the message is, You’re a Christian! You’re supposed to be joyful! So quit moping around and smile, for heaven’s sake!

If that was your experience, I’m sorry. Trust me, I get it.

But please don’t give up on the possibility of real Christian joy. Such joy is not the denial of pain, or grief, or loss. There is joy in being at a memorial service and listening to stories of a life well lived, stories that can make you laugh and cry at the same time, that can leave you with a feeling of gratitude despite your loss. There is joy in knowing that your loved one is now where she wanted to be, even though you wish she was still with you.

AS I’VE SUGGESTED before, the New Testament letters were typically written in the face of conflict or misunderstanding, and the letters of John are no exception. He writes to correct false teaching and belief. But his motivation isn’t merely to set the theological record straight. He’s concerned that people are falling out of fellowship with each other, and even more importantly, with God the Father and Jesus the Son. The loss grieves him, and he wants to reestablish the joy of true community:

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete. (1 John 1:3-4, NIV)

These words remind me of the apostle Paul, imprisoned in Rome, writing to his beloved friends in the church in Philippi. He’s heard news of division in the congregation, and writes to encourage them to humbly pursue unity:

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. (Phil 2:1-2, NIV)

“Make my joy complete.” His vocabulary is the same as John’s; both are describing what would make their joy full, what would fill it to the brim. Paul even opens his letter to the Philippians on the note of joy:

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:4-6)

The apostle thinks back joyfully to how quickly the gospel established roots in Philippi and grew. Despite the tension in the congregation now, Paul remains confident that their community will endure, that God will finish what he started in that city.

And for the apostle John, joy is inseparable from loving fellowship. Think of what Jesus taught his disciples in the Upper Room, following their last meal together:

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (John 15:9-12)

The Father loves the Son. The Son in turn has loved those the Father has given him and is about to demonstrate that love in a way they don’t yet understand. He knows that he’s leaving and that they’ll be grieved for a time. He knows that the road ahead will challenge them to the core. So what does he tell them to do? Remain in his love.

As Jesus has been obedient and has remained in his Father’s love, so too must they be obedient to Jesus and remain in his love. That is the path of joy. But what does Jesus command? In this, the last conversation he will have with them before Easter, what will be his marching orders?

Love each other as I have loved you.

And he tells them this for the sake of their joy, to fill it right up to the brim.

ONE LAST THING. Notice that in his letter, John says, “make our joy complete.” Your Bible, however, may have a footnote to 1 John 1:4 telling you that in some ancient manuscripts, John says, “make your joy complete.” And some scholars have suggested that to the extent that John’s letters are meant to echo his gospel, “make your joy complete” might be the correct reading.

But I doubt that it matters much, especially when it’s already impossible to be sure who John even means by “we” in his opening verses. In the fellowship he’s describing, there’s no us and them. It’s fellowship with each other across all levels of the church. It’s fellowship with Jesus. It’s fellowship in Jesus and therefore with the Father.

And in that fellowship, in the community that shares the proclamation of Jesus, there should be joy.