These days, if you want to know how to do something, you Google it. Better yet, you might even find an instructional video on YouTube. But it wasn’t always like that. You used to have to look things up in these things called books (you know, the kind actually printed on paper?). And if you were fortunate enough to know the right people, you asked someone who knew the drill to coach you through it. Your coach would tell you what to do, show you how to do it, then come alongside as you tried it yourself.

There is a sense, I think, in which we could consider the apostle Paul to be a coach to the Philippians and the other believers under his pastoral care. He doesn’t just tell them what to believe or bark commands from a distance; he leads by example. The Philippians in particular are familiar with his character, having had the privilege of Paul’s personal presence among them for so many months. That’s why in a letter like Philippians, which is written in loving friendship, Paul can put himself forward as an example to follow without sounding vain. They know each other well, and Paul is confident in the example he’s set.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise, then, that Paul encourages the Philippians to imitate his example one last time before ending the letter. We’ve seen how in Philippians 4:8 he encourages them, in the midst of their anxiety, to pay attention what’s going right and not just what’s going wrong. This becomes the context for his reminder in the next verse that they should follow his lead:

From now on, brothers and sisters, if anything is excellent and if anything is admirable, focus your thoughts on these things: all that is true, all that is holy, all that is just, all that is pure, all that is lovely, and all that is worthy of praise. Practice these things: whatever you learned, received, heard, or saw in us. The God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:8-9, CEB)

The language of practicing what they “learned” and “received” is reminiscent of the relationship between a rabbi and his disciples. The Philippians have been able to watch, in a way both up close and personal, how Paul and his companions think and live. You’ve seen it, now do it, he advises, and the God of shalom will be with you all, both individually and as a community, through the presence of the Holy Spirit. The peace of God, promised in verse 7, is inseparable from the presence of the God of peace.

What verse 9 does is put verse 8 back in context. We actually used to have an embroidery of Philippians 4:8 hanging on our living room wall, and it’s easy to find other such keepsakes online or in Christian bookstores. But taken by itself, the verse might suggest little more than “think positive.” Verse 9 brings back the importance of a life of imitation. Especially in the midst of the anxieties that drive us to prayer seeking peace, we must strive to follow the example of those who have shown us what it means to live faithfully.

Moreover, I think Paul gives us an example to follow right in the letter itself. Remember Euodia and Syntyche, the two women whose conflict seemed to threaten the unity of the church? Imagine being the pastor in that situation. Imagine how their disagreement might leave you feeling a bit anxious yourself, and what you might do with that anxiety. What would you be saying to yourself about the two women? And what would you say out loud to them?

If it were me, I would probably be frustrated. I would think things like, Why don’t they get it? Why can’t they just get along? Why do they have to be so stubborn? To be sure, I would work at not letting that frustration seep into my interactions with them. But it would take intentional mental and spiritual effort not to think of them as “problems” I needed to fix.

Does Paul want them to change their behavior? Of course. But again, note how he goes about that in the letter (4:2-3). When he tells them to work at their unity, he’s not saying anything he hasn’t already said to the rest of the church. And when he describes them, he does so in a way that focuses on what is excellent and admirable. He could paint them as troublemakers, but instead characterizes them as his trusted partners in the work of the gospel.

Paul supplies us a bit of coaching, an example to follow as we navigate conflict. Instead of focusing on the bad qualities in others, can we see the good? What might change, in both the relationship and in our own perceptions, if we made it a habit to notice, call out, and appreciate what we could legitimately admire?