The words “Imitate me!” may not sound very humble. But as we’ve seen, they can be appropriate in the context of a mentoring relationship in which one person models what to do for another. Paul tells the Philippians to imitate him and others who live and think like him, because he knows he’s dedicated himself to imitating Jesus. Paul isn’t claiming to have arrived at the finish line; he’s just confident that he’s running in the right direction.

We, too, could learn from Paul’s pastoral wisdom by observing how he handles the division brewing in Philippi. The situation, again, is that two women named Euodia and Syntyche are at odds with each other, and their disagreement is threatening the unity of the church. That doesn’t mean the argument is out of control; you’d expect stronger language from Paul if the conflict had escalated to name-calling or throwing furniture.

Nor is it necessarily the case that the disagreement is over something petty; if they were in leadership roles of some kind, they may have differed over something relevant to the life of the church. Paul’s concern is that the Philippians are under the gun from their neighbors, making unity essential. Paul may not be able to do anything about the pressure coming from outside the church, but he can do something about the tension on the inside.

Though his direct counsel only amounts to two verses, to me it is something of a mini-master class in how to handle such situations as a pastor. Here again are his words, this time from the New International Version:

I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life. (Phil 4:2-3)

Let’s take a closer look at what Paul says — and doesn’t say! — to see what we might learn from his approach.

First, notice that Paul doesn’t call the women to do anything more than what he’s already counseled the entire church to do: be of the same mind in the Lord. That suggests that whatever correction may be needed for specific people in specific cases, it should be grounded in standards of behavior and character consistently expected of the whole congregation, not something reserved for “troublemakers.”

Second, he explicitly recognizes their commitment to the gospel, together with someone named Clement and others. We have no idea who Clement is, but the women do, and would probably have been honored to be included in that list (not to mention having their names written in God’s book!). These women, in other words, are Paul’s friends and trusted colleagues, not pains in his apostolic backside. He therefore uses his influence positively by calling upon that friendship instead of scolding them. It’s worth thinking about how we might do the same: when correction is needed, how can it be given in a way that honestly communicates “We’re on the same side”?

Third, he treats each woman with equal respect. It would have been simpler to say, “I plead with Euodia and Syntyche.” But instead he repeats himself: “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche.” It’s as if he were sitting in the room with them, pleading with each of them in turn: “Euodia, please, I beg of you…and Syntyche, please, I beg of you…” Each woman is addressed equally as a friend and sister; there is no favoritism here.

Fourth, whatever the disagreement is, Paul refuses to take sides. I don’t believe for a moment that this is because he didn’t have an opinion in the matter, particularly if it was related to the life of the church. But he stays out of the argument. It’s often counterproductive for leaders to get in the middle of conflicts, or to let themselves be co-opted by one side. Where possible, it’s better to remind people of the values the community supposedly shares (e.g., the imitation of Christ) and trust them to figure it out.

Fifth, however, that doesn’t mean they have to do it without any support. Paul involves a trusted third person whom he calls “my true companion.” Some readers think Paul is actually referring to a person named Syzygus (basically, the Greek word that is translated as “true companion,” treated instead as a proper name), but there’s little support for that idea. Speculations abound as to who this might be; I personally like the theory that Paul is referring to Luke. But whoever it is, it would be one of Paul’s companions, someone well known to and trusted by the Philippians as a wise leader. That person’s role would be to come alongside the two women with encouragement and occasional guidance, not to take over the process or force a resolution.

Paul, of course, isn’t shy of direct confrontation when it’s needed (think of his letters to the Corinthians or Galatians). But that’s not the case here. He knows these people well, and trusts them to do the right thing given the right encouragement. If we are to imitate Paul’s wise leadership, we need to treat people as worthy of respect, as valued brothers and sisters rather than as problems we need to fix. We need to resist the temptation to control situations as opposed to empowering people to solve their own problems.

But most of all, we must always hold up the example of Christ’s humility, and embody that humility ourselves.