Brothers and sisters disagree. It doesn’t matter what kind of family you’re talking about: biological, adoptive, blended, or what have you. People differ in their experiences and perceptions, and sooner or later, that difference will turn into an active disagreement or even a conflict. And like it or not, the same is true of our church families. We can call each other “brother” and “sister.” We can love and want to be with each other even more than with our actual relatives. But at some point, we will disagree, and how we handle that disagreement matters.

As we’ve seen, the apostle Paul has spent a good portion of his letter to the Philippians encouraging them to work at unity by learning and emulating the humility of Christ. That teaching is for the whole congregation. But he says this, apparently, because he is concerned about one troubled relationship in particular. Having given the more general lesson, he now names names:

I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you also, my loyal companion, help these women, for they have struggled beside me in the work of the gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my coworkers, whose names are in the book of life. (Phil 4:2-3, NRSVUE)

Two women in the congregation, Euodia and Syntyche, seem to be at odds with each other. Paul says nothing about what the disagreement might be, nor does he need to. They know, and chances are, so does everyone else in the church. Paul is less concerned about the content or outcome of the argument than he is about how their disunity might undermine the church’s unity. This would be particularly important if the women were in leadership roles of some kind, which would not be unusual in the context of ancient Macedonia. The founding member of the church, after all, was a successful businesswoman named Lydia.

You may have had the experience yourself: when two people on the same church leadership team disagree loudly and publicly, the church is in danger of splitting, as members choose up sides. We might think here too of the church in Corinth, where believers tended to declare allegiance to different leaders in a way that was causing division. The issue is so important that Paul takes the first four chapters of 1 Corinthians to deal with it.

All we know of the two women is that they somehow played a significant role in “the work of the gospel” with Paul. The verb translated “struggled beside me” is one we’ve seen before (1:27); it suggests something like teammates in an athletic competition. The disagreement may even have been about the work of the gospel itself, perhaps a difference of opinion over how the church should respond to persecution.

Whatever the issue was, I imagine each woman thought she was right, insisting that the other woman see things her way. It’s not at all uncommon for church leaders to be so sure that they’re right, so filled with what they take as divine conviction, that they stop listening to each other and get louder and louder — as if the increased volume will make it easier for the other person to hear.

What’s needed in a situation like this? Again, it’s the humility of Jesus. Believers need to be in the habit of seeing others as better than themselves, of seeking the interests of others as well as their own (2:3-4). Would either Euodia or Syntyche actually be able to see the other woman as “better”? Perhaps not, especially if they weren’t in the habit of cultivating a humble mindset. But at the very least, each could begin with the assumption that the other person had an opinion that was worth listening to and understanding.

It’s a step in the right direction.

Paul wants the women to “be of the same mind in the Lord.” It’s the same advice he’s given to the whole congregation (2:2), now applied to them specifically. It takes humility to follow that advice. It’s a good thing they have a model like Jesus and a mentor like Paul.

And indeed, as we’ll see next, we might all learn a thing or two by imitating the way Paul as a pastor handles the disagreement between Euodia and Syntyche.