(The third of seven weekly Lenten reflections.) Don’t be alarmed. I’m neither cheating on my wife nor my income tax, and I don’t use my own “special” set of dice for board games. I’m not talking about that kind of cheating. But what I’ve discovered in the last few days is that I’m cheating at Lent, and thereby cheating myself.
As I explained in an earlier post (“Why I observe Lent”), white sugar is one of the things I’ve sacrificed this Lenten season. That doesn’t just mean staying away from sweets, but anything with refined sugar in it. It’s almost frightening to see how many foods contain sugar when you read the labels.
Of course, manufacturers don’t always list “sugar” in the ingredients. It used to be just “corn syrup,” then “high fructose corn syrup,” as if fructose were somehow good for you. My personal favorite these days is “evaporated cane juice.” I know: evaporated cane juice (that’s sugar cane, mind you, not somebody’s walking stick) is supposed to have more micronutrients than processed white sugar. But to me, that’s sort of like saying I eat pizza for the protein.
All in all, I’ve been careful about following the no-sugar rule. I bought a box of single-serving packets of stevia, a natural sugar substitute (I don’t like the aftertaste of the more common substitutes, like Nutrasweet). At first, I was going to buy the stevia in liquid form–until I noticed it had sugar in it (huh???). I conscientiously bought the powdered form instead. So far, I haven’t used it much, probably about 3 or 4 packets total since Lent began.
So where’s the cheating?
Well, what’s the point of giving up sugar if I’m going to put something else sweet in its place? I’m not doing this because I’m diabetic, nor as a way of losing weight. If the whole idea is to discipline myself to do without, to let go of something that I take for granted even though I know it’s not good for me, then what kind of discipline is it to blunt the sacrifice so that I don’t notice it?
Busted by the Spirit.
I fell into the trap of turning the discipline into a matter of legalistic righteousness, straining out the gnat and swallowing the camel whole. Let’s face it: nothing will change in heaven if I eat something with sugar in it–or for that matter, stevia. Nor will steadfastly avoiding sugar earn me another jewel in my crown.
Even swearing off stevia at this point means nothing, if I still end up giving myself a silent and self-congratulatory pat on the back for being such a spiritual titan. Pharisee! I live such a privileged life; can I not do without this one simple craving, and for the right reasons?
No more cheating.
Your observation “I fell into the trap of turning the discipline into a matter of legalistic righteousness” really hit home. It brought back to mind the struggle I faced when I was a new believer and somehow got it into my mind that the first thing God wanted me to do was to give up smoking cigarettes. Looking back I can see that breaking an addiction to nicotine was not high up on the things that needed fixing in my life.
At the time, however, I wanted to do something visible, objective and pleasing to God. And so the struggle began between flesh and spirit. The harder I tried to do what I thought would be pleasing to God, the harder it became to do. Rather than walking through the garden with my Lord I found myself hiding behind a tobacco leaf. Finally I came to realize that I only had a few possible solutions to my failing in my attempt to please God: I could decide that maybe this is not what God really wanted at this time; I could steel myself and once and for all break the habit and “win one for Jesus”; or I could walk away defeated and avoid God.
My choice was not a good one. I allowed a false god, an idol, to come between me and God. My idol was my delusion that I could become righteous on my own. The really good news is that God is patient, kind and very forgiving. One thing that I have learned from this is that new (and some seasoned) Christians have baggage but God will address it in the right order and at the right time. It is not my role to play Holy Spirit but to have the same grace toward others that I so desperately need.
It’s so easy to want to do what seems to be the right thing for the wrong reasons. I want to be good without grace…
That is just the point. Yes I keep having to re-read Gal 1:6 and 3:3 over and over and over.
Gal. 1:6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel —
Gal. 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?
Thanks for expressing it so well.